Science, Society, Sociology.

To exit high school, all students in California must take and pass the California High School Exit Exam (CAHSEE). It’s obviously one of the most ennui-inducing tests ever an consists of a math section and an English section which is subdivided into multiple choice and an essay. I trolled the essay for fun, and I thought it was interesting enough to copy down and smuggle out on a piece of tissue paper. So, here it is.

The prompt was to write a letter to a new principal of our school to discuss our ideas for improvements.

Dear Mrs. Doe,

As part of an effort to create a democratic, student-oriented environment, or at least the illusion of one, you have asked the students to provide our opinions and ideas on select topics. This is, of course, a brilliant idea as we, the students, are all responsible, mature adults who would never dare to submit a facetious response. This having been said, there are several aspects of our school that if changed will unequivocally result in a better learning environment.

The first of my suggestions would be to do away with the notion of the state-initiated standardized test. Why? Well, standardized tests are always accompanied by bouts of severe cheating, meaning that they provide specious results that should not be trusted. Furthermore, we students also have to deal with enough extra-curricular tests such as the SAT. Giving the state the responsibility to administer said tests is nothing more than socialism, and we all know what we do with communists.

Now, perhaps I’m being a bit too harsh. I understand perfectly that you are just another pawn in the game that the real school administrators play. Therefore, I propose the idea that you immediately “abdicate” your positions and surrender your power to the student body. We are students, we go through the rigors of school every day, so therefore, we know what is best for ourselves. All we want is true democracy, equality, and communal possession of all school materials. We have been exploited through the application of tests and horrible cafeteria food for too long. The striated social structure of our school system must be systematically dismantled. The students of the world must unite for the final revolution!

Thus, you, the principal, have received the response that you’ve asked for. Although I seriously doubt that my requests will be considered, let alone granted, I will keep my hope. After all, a man once said “Hope is the opium of the people, the sigh of the oppressed.” I will keep this thought in my heart, this feeling in my mind. One day, even if I’m not here to see it, the international ideal will be achieved, and there will be peace.

Students of the world, unite!

Sincerely,

Karl McCarthy